Why do bad things happen?

Is there a God?

If there is a God, why doesn’t he help people?

People say God is good, but why does He allow pain and suffering?

These are questions that everyone has asked at least once in their lifetime. Being sexually and physically abused my entire childhood by my father has made me question the love of God. My father was unloving, uncaring, and cruel so naturally I thought God was the same. How could I know any different?

Because of the way my father treated me, I believed I was unlovable, filthy, useless, and stupid. He had said many hurtful things to me over the years, but one comment still sticks in my head to this day. He told me the only thing I was good for was sex. My father was a tormented soul. His father was abusive as was his father before him. Unfortunately, none of them ever turned to God for help and it just continued down the line.

I am the youngest of 4 kids. As early as any of us can remember our father turned that torturous soul onto all of us, even our mom. This is what is called reflection. He would wake us up in the middle of the night after binge drinking, line us up on the couch yelling, screaming, and preaching for hours while quoting the bible about sin and hell. He would tell us we were such horrible kids and that we were all going to hell and there was nothing we could do about it. I was terrified to go to sleep most nights. I would cry myself to sleep begging God not to send me to hell wondering why God hated me so much.

So, why did this happen? Why do parents abuse and neglect their children? And why does this abuse continue down the line to the next generation?

For this answer, let’s go back to the beginning. All the way back to the very beginning of humanity.  Back to Adam and Eve.

But first, I want you to imagine a place that you really love. Someplace that is just breathtakingly beautiful. Maybe it’s a place that has tall green grass as far as the eye can see with flowering trees and bushes and luscious fruit. There’s a beautiful blue rushing stream teaming with fish jumping out of the water and animals roaming everywhere. The skies are clear, and the weather is at the perfect temperature year-round. Then God creates you and the person you love and puts you both in this beautiful place.

^{Genesis 1:26} Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

²⁷ So God created mankind in his own image,
     in the image of God he created them;
     male and female he created them.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

²⁹ Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.

³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. 

^{Genesis 2:15} The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 

So, here is the beginning of mankind. God made Adam and Eve and put them in this beautiful place called the Garden of Eden (present day middle east). They were supposed to have kids and take care of the animals and live forever in this beautiful place. God had only one request of them, and that was not to eat of the tree of Good and Evil.

^{Genesis 2:16} And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

He commanded them not to eat from the tree of life and He even told them why. His commandment was very clear. Do not eat from this tree. Period.

^{Genesis 3} - Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

² The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

⁴ “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

⁸ Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

¹⁰ He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

¹¹ And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

¹² The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

¹³ Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

The Garden of Eden was a perfect place created and given by God to Adam and Eve so that their every need would be met. But once they disobeyed God’s only commandment, it brought sin, disease, and death into the world. They were banished from the Garden, never to return. From this point on, they had to work the land to live.

You may be thinking, O.K. big deal they ate forbidden fruit. It doesn’t justify God kicking them out for that. I get it, I thought the same thing to. But unfortunately, it is a big deal because it wasn’t the action of eating the fruit that was the problem. What you are witnessing here is the beginning of mankind’s “fall”, and it is called the fall of man.   ^{Romans 5:12} When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.

Because of this situation that Adam and Even engaged in, sin started. It opened a door that could not be closed. Once they gave the devil a foot hold by listening to him and entertaining the idea, it was too late. They chose their selfish desires over God.

You are probably thinking what I thought. If it were me in the garden, I wouldn’t have done that. But we know that it is easier to look at things in hindsight. Adam and Eve had no idea that this would start a chain reaction of sin in the world. Think back to the things that you have done that you wished you hadn’t. Why did you do that? Because you didn’t realize the depth of the consequence that would follow. Some things may seem small or innocent at the time, but consequences always follow.  

The next obvious question is why does sin continue from generation to generation? Go back to Genesis 3:12 and 3:13. You will see that Adam blames Eve and God, and Eve blames the devil. Adam was present when the devil was talking to Eve and not only did Adam condone the situation, but he also engaged in it by eating the fruit along with Eve. And Eve apparently did not believe Adam when he previously told her about God’s commandment or else, she would not have entertained the devil’s conversation. Instead of Adam and Eve taking responsibility for their own actions, one blames another. This is called blame shifting. I am sure you are familiar with this especially if you have children.

Eventually Adam and Eve had children and it is obvious that they did not learn their lesson the first time around because as you can see sin continues down the family line in Genesis 4:8 when things get out of hand with their two sons. The eldest son Cain kills Abel. This was the first recorded murder in the bible. Sin continues throughout families for generations and if you fast forward to Genesis 19:29 you can see just how bad sin had gotten. There were two cities named Sodom and Gomorrah that practiced the worst of the worst of sins, the people in these two cities delighted in their sin and flaunted it.

^{Romans 1:29} They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; ³¹ they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. ³² Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

So, the timeline of actions from Adam and Even all the way to Sodom and Gomorrah is called the snowball effect - in which the situation results in or the consequences of an action grow at an increasingly faster rate over time.  Because of the snowball effect, God had to destroy the two cities to stop the spread of sin. But there were a few people that God saved from that town before destroying it. ^{Genesis 19:10} But the two angels reached out, pulled Lot into the house, and bolted the door. ¹¹ Then they blinded all the men, young and old, who were at the door of the house, so they gave up trying to get inside.

¹² Meanwhile, the angels questioned Lot. “Do you have any other relatives here in the city?” they asked. “Get them out of this place—your sons-in-law, sons, daughters, or anyone else. ¹³ For we are about to destroy this city completely. The outcry against this place is so great it has reached the Lord, and he has sent us to destroy it.” ¹⁴ So Lot rushed out to tell his daughters’ fiancés, “Quick, get out of the city! The Lord is about to destroy it.” But the young men thought he was only joking. ¹⁵ At dawn the next morning the angels became insistent. “Hurry,” they said to Lot. “Take your wife and your two daughters who are here. Get out right now, or you will be swept away in the destruction of the city!” ¹⁶ When Lot still hesitated, the angels seized his hand and the hands of his wife and two daughters and rushed them to safety outside the city, for the Lord was merciful. ¹⁷ When they were safely out of the city, one of the angels ordered, “Run for your lives! And don’t look back or stop anywhere in the valley! Escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away!” ¹⁸ “Oh no, my lord!” Lot begged. ¹⁹ “You have been so gracious to me and saved my life, and you have shown such great kindness. But I cannot go to the mountains. Disaster would catch up to me there, and I would soon die. ²⁰ See, there is a small village nearby. Please let me go there instead; don’t you see how small it is? Then my life will be saved.”

²¹ “All right,” the angel said, “I will grant your request. I will not destroy the little village. ²² But hurry! Escape to it, for I can do nothing until you arrive there.”

²³ Lot reached the village just as the sun was rising over the horizon. ²⁴ Then the Lord rained down fire and burning sulfur from the sky on Sodom and Gomorrah. ²⁵ He utterly destroyed them, along with the other cities and villages of the plain, wiping out all the people and every bit of vegetation. ²⁶ But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt. ²⁷ Abraham got up early that morning and hurried out to the place where he had stood in the Lord’s presence. ²⁸ He looked out across the plain toward Sodom and Gomorrah and watched as columns of smoke rose from the cities like smoke from a furnace. ²⁹ But God had listened to Abraham’s request and kept Lot safe, removing him from the disaster that engulfed the cities on the plain.

As you can see in verse 26 Lot’s wife looked back and she died because she disobeyed. Verse 17 shows us that there is always going to be someone who disobeys God no matter what God does for them. We need to understand that God does not delight in having to do these things. He was trying to make a perfect world for his creation that He loved dearly, and we screwed it up, not once, not twice, but continually. I am sure you do not enjoy discipling your children, but you know what the world is like and discipling them is one way to try and prepare them to make better choices so that they don’t go down the same road you and I have gone down. We love our kids and want the best for them and when they go against our will, it hurts us simply because we know the pain and anguish that comes from those bad choices.

So, why doesn’t God stop us or others from making certain choices that would cause pain? If God did this, we would not have free will. Our computer is controlled by our commands, it saves documents and opens the internet because we tell it to. It does not have free will. If God controlled our thoughts and actions, we would not have free will to make the everyday choices that we make. We wouldn’t have a choice who to marry, where to live and which job we want. Having free will is a blessing. We can even choose to love God or not. God wants what’s best for us, but we must choose to want to do what’s right and that is no easy task. Every day is a struggle about the choices we make, so why not make the right ones, and follow what God wants for us. Our lives would be better for it as well as our children’s lives. But we must choose the right thing every day regardless of what our feelings tell us.   

^{Philippians 4:8} And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ⁹ Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

You are probably wondering how you keep your mind fixed on these things. Well, to understand how to do this, you must understand who God is and what He wants. I will do another post on the attributes of God at a later date.

What about other people hurting us, like my father?

For a long time, I was mad at my father for the abuse as well as my mother because she allowed the situation to continue. My mom grew up in a religious family who went to church every Sunday. My father knew about Jesus, but they didn’t go to church. Yet, neither one of them had a relationship with Jesus nor followed what God said to do. Just because a person goes to church does not mean they are a Christian. Jesus was not a religious man, but He had a relationship with His father (God) and followed what He knew God had commanded. Bad things still happened to Jesus because of this fallen world but because of Him, we have the choice to choose to be with Him in heaven or not.

So, back to my father, He did not have to go down the road of continuing to be abusive. God always gives us a way out.

^{1 Corinthians 10:13} The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

My father could have chosen to ask God for help at any time in his life. Even after he was abusing us. God helps us in many ways from sending people into our lives to help us - to Him helping us directly. We must do the work, but He is always there to give us choices and help. The above verse is saying that everyone goes through temptations and hard times, but He will show us a way out. But it is our choice and our choice alone to take that out.

Not only does God give us a way out, but He also forgives our sins no matter how bad they are. This usually is the one thing that keeps people from going to God and asking for help. Would you look at your children and tell them you don’t forgive them if you saw that they really were sorry? I know you would and so does God. God sent His only Son to come to earth and take our place in sin. He was brutally tortured and killed for all the sins that every single person on this earth past, present and future has made.

^{John 3:16} For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 

Just think about it, every bad choice that you have made in your lifetime since you can remember, Christ has paid the price for you. Every cuss word, every mean word you said to someone, every time you treated someone poorly, jealousy, all the drugs and alcohol one has consumed, self-mutilation, murder (abortion), love of everything else over God – (idolatry), cheating on a spouse, beating a child, killing an animal out of malice, the list goes on. Anything that you and I have done, Jesus paid the price for us so that we do not have to go to hell and pay the ultimate penalty for eternity.

I understand if you are too ashamed to go to God because of the things that you have done, but God already knows, and He still loves you and wants you to come to Him.

^{Psalms 139:1} You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
  ² You know when I sit and when I rise;
     you perceive my thoughts from afar.
  ³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
     you are familiar with all my ways.
  ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
     you, Lord, know it completely.

It’s hard to fathom that a loving God would send us to hell for eternity for our sins and I believe my father is there right now. But God didn’t send my father there; my father chose to disregard what Jesus Christ did for him. My father did not accept the gift of salvation (deliverance from sin and its consequences - eternity in hell - brought about by faith in Christ) and he did not ask God for forgiveness of his sins.

Now, because we were all abused, my siblings and I hurt other people throughout our lives. Each one of us at different points in our lives came to God and accepted Him as our Savior and repented. (Repentance-sincere regret or remorse. The purpose of repentance is to make continual correction by studying the Bible and learning what sin is, and then applying what you learn from seeking God) 

Over the years, my siblings, myself, and my mom told my father that we forgave him for the things he did to us. Rape, torture, murdering our pets, strangulation, beatings, trying to drown us, and more. We all went to him, some of us in letters, and told him that we forgave him because we had come to understand the love of God. God helped all of us heal from what my father did to us to the point that we were able to offer that same forgiveness to him. We told our father that God will forgive him if he would just go to Him and accept Christ as his savior and ask for forgiveness. He wrote me a nasty letter back and ignored the other forgiveness letters. The day before my father died, my brother had visited him. My father was complaining of a burning sensation inside of his whole body to the point that he could barely stand it. I believe this was God’s last attempt to get his attention. The last words that my father said to my brother were cruel and unkind. I feel bad for him because he just didn’t understand the mercy and grace that God wanted to give to him. He chose not to accept God’s free gift because he was too stubborn and prideful.  But God was there til the end for my father, still trying to get through to him because He loved him and did not want him to go to hell.  ^{2 Peter 3:9} The Lord is not slow about keeping His promise as some people think. He is waiting for you. The Lord does not want any person to be punished forever. He wants all people to be sorry for their sins and turn from them.

If you have been hurt by others and are struggling, go to God, He will help you heal. There are many scriptures on healing in the bible. The most important thing for all of us to do is to accept Jesus as our Savior and ask for forgiveness of our sins because we have hurt others as well, intentionally, and unintentionally. If you want to accept Jesus as your Savior, here is a prayer that you can say. Just understand that the only way to salvation is not by just reciting this prayer but believing it with all your heart as well as following what Jesus wants us to do. In order to know what He wants us to do, this involves getting to know who He is by reading the bible. I will continue to put other posts on my website about these topics.

Dear Lord,
I admit that I am a sinner. I have done many things that don’t please you. I have lived my life for myself only. I am sorry, and I repent. I ask you to forgive me.
I believe that you died on the cross for me, to save me. You did what I could not do for myself. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life; I give it to you. From this day forward, help me to live every day for you and in a way that pleases you.
I love you, Lord, and I thank you that I will spend all eternity with you.
Amen.

Psalm 51

In Psalm 51, King David asked God for forgiveness. This is another example of a salvation prayer in the Bible: 

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight ... Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice.
Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and make me willing to obey you ...The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
(Excerpts from Psalm 51, NLT)

If you just prayed a sincere prayer of faith and you're wondering what to do next as a new Christian, check out these helpful suggestions:

• Salvation is by grace, through faith. There’s nothing you did, or ever can do, to deserve it. Salvation is a free gift from God. All you have to do is receive it!
• Tell someone about your decision. It's important that you tell someone to make it public. Find a brother or sister in the Lord and tell him or her, “Hey, I made a decision to follow Jesus.” ^{Mathew 10:32} Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. ³³ But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.
• Talk to God every day. You don’t have to use big fancy words. There are no right and wrong words. Just be yourself. Thank the Lord daily for your salvation. Pray for others in need. Seek his direction. There is no limit to prayer. You can pray with your eyes closed or open, while sitting or standing, kneeling or lying on your bed, anywhere, anytime.
• Find a church or a group and get plugged in somewhere.
• 
  

When I first started my journey, I joined a group called BSF international. It is a non-denominational group that studies the bible. They have face to face groups as well online groups. This group studies a different book of the bible each year. You are in a group with other people (women with women, men with men) and read a chapter a week and answer questions. Once a week we get together and go over the answers. At first, I couldn’t answer any of the questions, I couldn’t even understand what I was reading in the bible. But I kept going to the class and listening to the discussions and eventually started understanding what I was reading. I never dreamed I would have the understanding and the healing that I have today. I will never know everything about the bible, but it isn’t meant for us to know everything. It is meant for us to continue to learn, grow and trust God.