On Broken Wings
Born and raised in Florida, I am called a Florida Cracker. A Cracker is a descendant of the colonial-era British and American pioneer settler who has lived here for generations but since then it has been dwindled down to someone who has been born here. My family is originally from Ohio. After my parents married and had my three siblings, my father forced my mom to move to Florida in the late 60’s, I was born in 73. My mom has 4 sisters, all their families except for one sister, lives in Cincinnati, Ohio. My dad's side of the family lives in Ohio as well but we never had much contact with them. My grandfather, my mom’s dad, was beloved by everyone. He owned a milk company and delivered milk to houses in glass jars. He was such a loving man with kind eyes. I remember how he would stretch his arms out and then envelope me inside of them. My mom was blessed with a good dad. My father's family is just the opposite of my mom's. My grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. He raped his own daughter for years and my father (Her brother) would watch. Unfortunately, my father turned out the exact same way. We endured a lot of abuse from him.
When I was 15 years old, my mom divorced my dad and her and I moved to Cincinnati. I barely graduated high school and went into the Navy at age 19. I married while I was in the military and got pregnant. I requested an early out - 4 months prior to the end of my enlistment - and moved back to Ohio and had my daughter. My first husband ended up being a cheating abusive alcoholic. At 18 months old, my daughter had a major epileptic attack and almost died. He told me that he did not want to deal with her medical issues, and he reenlisted in the Navy. I moved in with my mom and she helped me with my daughter. I used my GI Bill to go to college at night and worked during the day when I could while still dealing with her epilepsy daily. I graduated college with an associate degree in Photography in 2001.
When 9/11 happened, I enlisted into the Seabees active reserves. I was called up to go to Iraq during Operation Enduring Freedom. My daughter had just turned 7 years old, and my mom was watching her while I was deployed. I was an EO, an Equipment Operator. I could drive any big machinery like front end loaders, semi-tractor trailers, bulldozers, all the big equipment that you see on the side of the road doing road construction. There are many different rates (jobs) in the Seabees. For example, builders, electricians, mechanics, steelworkers, etc. The Seabees motto is “Construimus Batuimus.” It is a Latin phrase that means “We build, We fight.” We are usually sent into hot zones that need building or demolition but go we everywhere around the globe. We are combat ready in order to defend ourselves because we go into places without other branches of the military. The types of projects we do, for example, are building roads, bridges, bases, airfields, (sometimes humanitarian work like schools for third world countries), or blowing up bridges if we do not want the enemy in certain areas, also underwater construction and much more. If it can be built, we can build it. When I enlisted the first time, I was a deck Seaman, which is a deckhand on a ship. I struck Photography nine months later, (changed my job) and I really loved that. I just wish I would have known to join the Seabees when I went active duty the first time but I really cannot complain because I learned a lot of life skills in every different job .
I am thankful for that and I would do it a 3rd time if I could.
Anyway, my unit ended up in Spain due to Turkey closing its borders. (We were not able to fly through their airspace to get to Iraq.) We sat in Spain for 6 months training and working and then we were sent back home when the war ended. Which was a good thing but we were ready for our mission and disappointed when it was cancelled. I met my second husband in the Seabees on deployment. After we got married, I went back to college and was working on my Psychology degree. I was almost finished with it when I had to flee for my life, 13 years of living with a narcissist nearly killed me, literally. The emotional and mental abuse, the cheating, the lies, the attempt on my life by him, and then almost committing suicide. I was scared and had absolutely no support in order to get away from him. I planned my escape for a year by secretly saving money and prayed for a way out, I had no idea where I was going or how I was getting there. I talked him into buying a trailer to go camping in and after reconnecting with an old friend after 30 years, he gave me a place to stay and helped me execute my plan. I took the trailer with some of my belongings and I fled to Texas. I got as far away from him as I could, but1,000 miles was still not far enough. I could not out run all the emotional damage that he had caused.
Currently, I am married to my 8th grade love and we live in Florida now. So, I am back where I started. I felt like I needed to come back here. I have a mixture of good and bad memories but coming back and being around familiar places has helped me.
The last five years I have been healing from the narcissistic abuse while continuing to heal from the previous abuse from childhood. I have been going to counseling since I was 19 years old and have been diagnosed with PTSD, manic depression, Borderline Personality (emotional instability, feelings of unworthiness, insecurity impulsivity, self-destructive behaviors, and impaired social relationships) Agoraphobia (a fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment), anxiety, and ADHD. With counseling, self-help books, and the Lord, I have had a lot of break throughs. I have worked extremely hard to get where I am today because I am the only one who can. If it were not for God stepping in to help me, I would not be here today, I would have committed suicide. But knowing that I have salvation (knowing that I am going to heaven when I die) has given me the reassurance and the strength that I need to handle every single day.
I named this website diamond in the rough because when I look at a diamond, I see all the different brilliant colors sparkling and glistening when the sun hits it. When you see a diamond in the store, you are seeing the finished product. Diamonds are formed below the earths surface under tremendous pressure and heat. When a volcano erupts, it sends this giant, jagged cloudy piece of carbon into the shafts of the volcano where they are mined. Once they are collected they go through a five step process in order to become a beautifully finished diamond. One day when I was praying, God told me I was like a diamond. I have gone through a lot in my life, (pressure and heat) but through a process I too can become like a diamond.
We all start out as a rough piece of carbon, and in sharing my life and lessons with you, I pray that you too will become a brilliant and shiny diamond as well.
On Broken Wings
Born and raised in Florida, I am called a Florida Cracker. A Cracker is a descendant of the colonial-era British and American pioneer settler who has lived here for generations but since then it has been dwindled down to someone who has been born here. My family is originally from Ohio. After my parents married and had my three siblings, my father forced my mom to move to Florida in the late 60’s, I was born in 73. My mom has 4 sisters, all their families except for one sister, lives in Cincinnati, Ohio. My dad's side of the family lives in Ohio as well but we never had much contact with them. My grandfather, my mom’s dad, was beloved by everyone. He owned a milk company and delivered milk to houses in glass jars. He was such a loving man with kind eyes. I remember how he would stretch his arms out and then envelope me inside of them. My mom was blessed with a good dad. My father's family is just the opposite of my mom's. My grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. He raped his own daughter for years and my father (Her brother) would watch. Unfortunately, my father turned out the exact same way. We endured a lot of abuse from him.
When I was 15 years old, my mom divorced my dad and her and I moved to Cincinnati. I barely graduated high school and went into the Navy at age 19. I married while I was in the military and got pregnant. I requested an early out - 4 months prior to the end of my enlistment - and moved back to Ohio and had my daughter. My first husband ended up being a cheating abusive alcoholic. At 18 months old, my daughter had a major epileptic attack and almost died. He told me that he did not want to deal with her medical issues, and he reenlisted in the Navy. I moved in with my mom and she helped me with my daughter. I used my GI Bill to go to college at night and worked during the day when I could while still dealing with her epilepsy daily. I graduated college with an associate degree in Photography in 2001.
When 9/11 happened, I enlisted into the Seabees active reserves. I was called up to go to Iraq during Operation Enduring Freedom. My daughter had just turned 7 years old, and my mom was watching her while I was deployed. I was an EO, an Equipment Operator. I could drive any big machinery like front end loaders, semi-tractor trailers, bulldozers, all the big equipment that you see on the side of the road doing road construction. There are many different rates (jobs) in the Seabees. For example, builders, electricians, mechanics, steelworkers, etc. The Seabees motto is “Construimus Batuimus.” It is a Latin phrase that means “We build, We fight.” We are usually sent into hot zones that need building or demolition but go we everywhere around the globe. We are combat ready in order to defend ourselves because we go into places without other branches of the military. The types of projects we do, for example, are building roads, bridges, bases, airfields, (sometimes humanitarian work like schools for third world countries), or blowing up bridges if we do not want the enemy in certain areas, also underwater construction and much more. If it can be built, we can build it. When I enlisted the first time, I was a deck Seaman, which is a deckhand on a ship. I struck Photography nine months later, (changed my job) and I really loved that. I just wish I would have known to join the Seabees when I went active duty the first time but I really cannot complain because I learned a lot of life skills in every different job .
I am thankful for that and I would do it a 3rd time if I could.
Anyway, my unit ended up in Spain due to Turkey closing its borders. (We were not able to fly through their airspace to get to Iraq.) We sat in Spain for 6 months training and working and then we were sent back home when the war ended. Which was a good thing but we were ready for our mission and disappointed when it was cancelled. I met my second husband in the Seabees on deployment. After we got married, I went back to college and was working on my Psychology degree. I was almost finished with it when I had to flee for my life, 13 years of living with a narcissist nearly killed me, literally. The emotional and mental abuse, the cheating, the lies, the attempt on my life by him, and then almost committing suicide. I was scared and had absolutely no support in order to get away from him. I planned my escape for a year by secretly saving money and prayed for a way out, I had no idea where I was going or how I was getting there. I talked him into buying a trailer to go camping in and after reconnecting with an old friend after 30 years, he gave me a place to stay and helped me execute my plan. I took the trailer with some of my belongings and I fled to Texas. I got as far away from him as I could, but1,000 miles was still not far enough. I could not out run all the emotional damage that he had caused.
Currently, I am married to my 8th grade love and we live in Florida now. So, I am back where I started. I felt like I needed to come back here. I have a mixture of good and bad memories but coming back and being around familiar places has helped me.
The last five years I have been healing from the narcissistic abuse while continuing to heal from the previous abuse from childhood. I have been going to counseling since I was 19 years old and have been diagnosed with PTSD, manic depression, Borderline Personality (emotional instability, feelings of unworthiness, insecurity impulsivity, self-destructive behaviors, and impaired social relationships) Agoraphobia (a fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment), anxiety, and ADHD. With counseling, self-help books, and the Lord, I have had a lot of break throughs. I have worked extremely hard to get where I am today because I am the only one who can. If it were not for God stepping in to help me, I would not be here today, I would have committed suicide. But knowing that I have salvation (knowing that I am going to heaven when I die) has given me the reassurance and the strength that I need to handle every single day.
I named this website diamond in the rough because when I look at a diamond, I see all the different brilliant colors sparkling and glistening when the sun hits it. When you see a diamond in the store, you are seeing the finished product. Diamonds are formed below the earths surface under tremendous pressure and heat. When a volcano erupts, it sends this giant, jagged cloudy piece of carbon into the shafts of the volcano where they are mined. Once they are collected they go through a five step process in order to become a beautifully finished diamond. One day when I was praying, God told me I was like a diamond. I have gone through a lot in my life, (pressure and heat) but through a process I too can become like a diamond.
We all start out as a rough piece of carbon, and in sharing my life and lessons with you, I pray that you too will become a brilliant and shiny diamond as well.