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Do you ever find yourself in a chaotic state of mind where it seems as if all of your thoughts are scribbling around in circles and left to right in your head like the drawings of a one-year-old? Or maybe you feel like your mind is having a meltdown and your thoughts are melding into one. When you try to make this stop to land on one thought but find it spinning out of control again before you can focus or catch your breath.  This is anxiety.  It is normal for everyone to have anxiety at some point and most people are able to quickly rectify their situation and get back to some kind of “normalcy”.

But an anxiety disorder is different. It is anxiety that interferes with daily life. Some examples of this disorder include panic attacks, agoraphobia, separation anxiety, phobias and more. It causes "normal" stress to feel amplified not matching the actual problem or situation (excessive worry or fear). It also causes hyper-vigilance, irritability, restlessness, lack of concentration, racing thoughts or unwanted thoughts, and feeling of impending doom. Physical symptoms include fatigue, sweating, insomnia, nausea, heart palpitations, or trembling (of course ruling out other physical issues of cause).

PTSD- Post traumatic stress disorder is a trauma and stress related disorder. It may last months or years. It is brought on by a trigger that brings back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reaction. Symptoms include agitation, hostility, hypervigilance, self-destructive behaviors (drugs, alcohol, suicidal ideation, etc.), avoidance or social isolation, flashbacks, intense feelings of distress when reminded of a tragic event, loss of interest, guilt, loneliness, insomnia, nightmares, emotional detachment, unwanted thoughts, jumpy and it can cause a person to go into a dissociated state.

I have what is called Complex PTSD, or c-PTSD. Both have similar symptoms, but c-PTSD usually has more of a difficult time handling their emotions.

PTSD: PTSD usually develops following a single episode of trauma, such as an accident or loss of a loved one. Complex PTSD involves several traumatizing events on a long-term basis. These people will often change their personalities following the incident, for either good or bad. People who suffer from PTSD have the capacity to move on after some time but people who suffer from complex PTSD will get flashbacks and nightmares associated with insomnia from time to time despite their need to overcome the trauma and are diagnosed with borderline personalities and dissociative disorders.

Is it where a person experiences symptoms of PTSD but along with difficulty controlling your emotions, feeling very hostile or distrustful towards the world. This is different from PTSD. For example, a soldier in the military who came back from fighting in a war who saw their friends die in action. If this person has had a normal life with no abuse in their background as a child then it is considered PTSD due to a single trauma. Now someone with c-PTSD has had multiple traumas in their lifetime. This includes severe, chronic, or extremely threatening trauma. Often this trauma is interpersonal (which means events that happened to them personally by other people) they could have been family, friends, strangers or acquaintances. This includes pain that was caused by others especially if it was a repeated behavior over a period of time. Every trauma there after that happens to this person adds on top of all of the other traumas, even things like a car accident.

Now, there is something called dissociation. This commonly goes along with PTSD, but someone who has complex trauma most likely experiences this. It is a break in how your mind handles information. You may feel disconnected or detached from your body, thoughts, feelings, memories and surroundings. It can affect your sense of identity and your perception of time. The symptoms usually go away on their own and it may take minutes, hours or sometimes days. Unfortunately, this happens to me more often than not and it can happen even when I’m not under stress at that moment.  I have had different types of episodes happen for example, one day I was going for a walk by myself and all of a sudden I felt really weird like I was no longer in my body. The best way to describe it is like you were playing a virtual reality video game. Another time I was in Lowes hardware store and the guy behind the paint counter was rude to me. I immediately felt myself triggered by his bad attitude and left the store in order to keep myself feeling safe and calm. I thought I was actually in control and doing good and then I got into my car. I pulled out of the parking spot and started to drive. The parking lot look liked it picked up off of the ground and shifted right then left, cars and all. I slammed on the brakes because I thought that I had hit a parked car. I sat there until my vision returned to normal. I was very scared to try to drive at this point. I slowly drove home and got there safely. For the next day in a half I kept having the out of body experience and felt like I was in extreme danger even at home. Needless to say I didn’t go anywhere until it completely stopped.

I have gone to counseling since I was 16 years old and have learned a lot about myself as well as how to help myself. The first thing I learned is self-empathy. It is the acknowledgement that I need compassion and understanding, for example not to be self- judging. The next thing I learned is to only surround myself with people who support me. They may not fully understand what I am going through but they are willing to give me what I need whether that is time to myself, empathy, or an ear. But it’s up to me to do the work in order for me to manage my issues and make my life better. I start by recognizing when I am losing control whether it’s an anxiety attack or my emotions are getting out of control.

 If it’s an anxiety attack the first thing I do is look around the room and decide whether I am safe or not. If I don’t feel safe I leave that area. If I am then I tell myself that I am safe, everything is o.k. There is no need for alarm. (It’s called self-talk) I am convincing my brain that I am ok, in the hopes of calming my body. A few things I do are deciding if I need to sit down, take a walk, take deep breathes, splash cold water on my face.  I try multiple things to help me calm down. I continue until I am able to think clearly then decide what I need to do next. Am I able to leave the store and drive home? Etc.

If I recognize that my emotions are getting out of control there is a process I go through. I call it “resetting myself”. I start by having a heart to heart with myself. Let me ask you a question, if someone you loved came to you asking for your help you would help them with a sincere and understanding heart? You probably answered “Yes, of course”. This is what you need to do for yourself. No judgment, no condemnation, just empathy. I start by asking myself what problems am I having? What hurts most? How does it hurt? I write these answers down, I take it slow or come back later to finish if needed. Do yourself a favor, don’t overwhelm yourself with coming up with solutions to these problems just yet. If you were able to answer some of these questions, the next step is to break it down. For example, the first question – I am having problems getting along with others. My next step would be to find an example of this problem in my life, so I would think of a specific person like my mother. Now I would write down what and why I am having issues with her. “Everytime I talk to her she insults me by saying …..”.

Now I problem solve. What are my options in dealing with this situation? Do I have any responsibility in this conflict? For example, do I say something hurtful right before she insults me? If so, what and why do I say this? Maybe I need to apologize.

If I am not saying something hurtful that she is reacting to then what exactly is she saying that is hurtful to me? Why do I think she is saying this?

Next is to decide what to do about it. If I talk to her about this, what will I say to her? How do I say it without sounding blameful?

If I think that talking with her will be worse than I need to come up with a different solution. Maybe I shorten my conversations or call less.  Is there someone else I can talk to about this issue confidentially?



This is my process I go through with every issue I have. I have gotten to the point where I don’t need to write it down anymore, I can do it in my head. Doing this interrupts my emotional responses to the situation and helps me to think logically instead of just reacting emotionally. It has really helped me resolve issues with other people without them even knowing I was having a problem with them. It has also helped me to argue less with my spouse because I was able to come back and tell him exactly what I am upset about and what I need from him. It takes practice but once you get the hang of it your life will be less chaotic and more peaceful.

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